My whole life I've been told I'm "weird" or "crazy"... by loved ones, family, friends, and strangers alike.
Weird because I express myself
Because I speak up for myself
Because I say 'No' whenever I want to
Because I talk to myself
Because I dance by myself
Because I don't get embarrassed
Because I won't settle
Because I don't want to waste my time or energy
Because I bounce when I walk
Because I stretch whenever
Because I have a hard time staying still
Because I move my hips unapologetically
Because I move when I feel called to
Because I dress for myself, even if it's less
Because I don't like to surround myself with associates
Because I get overwhelmed with social interaction
Because I crave affection
Because I ask questions
Because I like clarity
Because I know what I like
Because I know what I want
Because I know what I don't
Because I won't accept what's deemed acceptable just because people do it
Because I think everyone else is weird
Because I think the world is a shitshow and none of this shit is real
... what is so wrong with that?
The older I get; the more I feel out of place, as though I don't belong anywhere, can't fit in, and won't.
I have a hard time navigating the realities of this plane of existence even whilst embodying strong comprehension skills.
I stand ten toes on who I am, but I have a child.. who is just a child.. who is just like me.
So how do I help a young nerdy black boy to navigate in a world that won't just love him because he's "weird"? A world that already hates him because of his skin color. How do I help him to feel confident in expressing his emotions when he's predisposed to believe that he won't be heard, felt or accepted? Fearing that his cries will fall on deaf ears.
How can I help him when I feel there's no help to be had or given? Because that's not the humanity we exist in.
And I catch myself... calling ME crazy or weird because that's what I've been told I am for as long as I can remember.
Understand that people can be multiple things at once. So these feelings do not negate the fact that people are attracted to my persona. I'm not saying that people don't like me, enjoy my company, or even love me... I'm saying that you only find a safe space in the few and not as a vast community... and what do you do with that?
You stay secluded because it's easier than making space in a place where you feel suffocated.
Definitions pulled from www.Dictionary.com
weird [ weerd ]SHOW IPA
adjective,weird·er, weird·est.
strange; odd; bizarre: Wow, that’s a weird getup. I value our friendship, and I’m afraid if we start dating, it’ll get weird between us.
Informal. not functioning properly or as expected; unstable; broken: My connection is weird so I can’t tell if they’re getting my messages or not. The car is great except for a weird compressor that doesn't work when you run the AC at a red light.
involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny: a weird sound; weird lights.
Archaic. concerned with or controlling fate or destiny.
Verb Phrases
weird out, Slang. to feel or cause to feel discomfort, confusion, or fear because of perceived strangeness: The cultlike admiration of some of her followers always weirded me out a little.
crazy [ krey-zee ]SHOW IPA
adjective,cra·zi·er, cra·zi·est.
Informal. unpredictable, nonconforming, or odd: All I can say is she's the craziest person I know.
Informal. unusual; bizarre; singular: She always wears a crazy hat.
Informal. senseless; nonsensical; totally unsound: Surely you don’t plan to invest money in that crazy scheme!
Informal. extremely busy, hectic, chaotic, etc.: Yesterday was such a crazy day I hardly had time to eat.
Informal. intensely enthusiastic; passionately excited (usually followed by about or for):Like many kids, he was crazy for baseball and yearned to be a professional ballplayer.
Informal. very enamored or infatuated (usually followed by about or for):It's obvious he's just crazy about her.
Informal. intensely anxious or eager; impatient: I'm crazy to try those new skis.
Informal. very annoyed, frustrated, or bothered: It makes me crazy that some kids don't get a fair chance in life.
Informal. having an unusual, unexpected, or random quality, behavior, result, pattern, etc.: I'm back in Connecticut in a crazy twist of events, living in the same town where I grew up.
Slang. wonderful; excellent; perfect: That's crazy, man, crazy.
Archaic. likely to break or fall to pieces.
Archaic. weak, infirm, or sickly.
adverb
noun,plural cra·zies.
a person who is mentally deranged or insane.
Informal. an unpredictable, nonconforming person; oddball: Next door is a house full of crazies who wear weird clothes and come in at all hours.
the crazies, Informal. a sense of extreme unease, nervousness, or panic; extreme jitters: The crew was starting to get the crazies from being cooped up belowdecks for so long.